Resistance on the Path of Change

After deciding to make a change in our life, we can become dismayed when the initial excitement and motivation begins to wane. In these moments it is important to remember that it’s natural for systems to resist change in order to maintain the status quo. Change that’s too much or happens too quickly can be overwhelming. Our bodies, for example, are constantly resisting rapid, sweeping change through the process of homeostasis. Our internal systems exert continual effort to maintain a relative state of equilibrium by carefully balancing our body’s temperature, blood sugar, pH levels, etc. Without this resistance to change and a constant pull towards a steady baseline, we wouldn’t be alive. 

When we try to make changes in our life, whether that be in the form of a new habit, mindset, or way of relating to others, we naturally encounter internal resistance that attempts to pull us back towards the established baseline. This resistance appears even if the baseline we’re being pulled back towards is no longer functional or aligned with our best interests. Our old behaviours and beliefs are deeply ingrained. At one point they likely kept us safe, so it makes sense why parts of us would struggle to let them go.

It is wise to respect the momentum held by our previous habitual patterns. A container ship cannot shift course immediately. It takes tremendous energy to steer that boat in a new direction. Likewise, trying to change a deeply ingrained habit requires significant effort and persistence on our part. But once we get that ship moving on a new course, the new momentum that builds can now work in our favour, pushing us forward even at times when our effort and focus wanes. 

Not only do we face internal obstacles on the path of change, but we also encounter external resistance along the way. An individual's life can be viewed as a puzzle piece that connects with the pieces of others to form a grand mosaic. When we grow and evolve as individuals, our edges begin to shift. This beautiful and natural process is not always comfortable, both for us and those around us. As we change, the people that we are connected to must make adjustments to their borders to accommodate the new version of who we are becoming. This is why on the journey of healing and self-discovery, you might encounter pushback from those closest to you. Your development might pose a threat to the relationship you have built with them. Like a homeostatic pull towards an established baseline, they might consciously or unconsciously resist your change. 

The story we have about ourselves is shaped by our relationships with others. In the same way, when we begin to change, we can influence the story that others hold about themselves. Bringing attention to a dysfunctional relational pattern we have with our partner, relative, friend, or co-worker may highlight certain aspects they would rather avoid. In these moments, kindness towards ourselves and the other person can serve to ease the friction. We can recognize that our personal growth is important and necessary and that it impacts others.